Monday, March 7, 2011
Douthat on monogamy
Ross Douthat's op-ed makes the case for teenagers delaying sexual activity:
When social conservatives talk about restoring the link between sex, monogamy and marriage . . . . [t]he point isn’t that we should aspire to some Arcadia of perfect chastity. Rather, it’s that a high sexual ideal can shape how quickly and casually people pair off, even when they aren’t living up to its exacting demands. The ultimate goal is a sexual culture that makes it easier for young people to achieve romantic happiness — by encouraging them to wait a little longer, choose more carefully and judge their sex lives against a strong moral standard.
It's a very good column, though I was struck by the fact that Douthat backs off the "wait until marriage" argument and appears to embrace the more realistic (?) and widely accessible (?) "wait for somebody special" argument. I don't know how widespread this view is becoming among social conservatives, whether it's just the public adaptation of what is now seen as a primarily religious argument against all premarital sex, and/or whether the traditional argument will be increasingly seen as outdated -- even as a stated policy aspiration -- given increasing delays in marriage, etc. In any event, it's worth a read.
https://mirrorofjustice.blogs.com/mirrorofjustice/2011/03/douthat-on-monogamy.html
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The basic argument is that people who wait longer to have premarital sex are happier than people who don't. So for the sake of happiness, you should wait to have sex until you have someone you can really commit to. This, he says, is more true for women than for men, so presumably we should retain somewhat of a double standard, because fewer sexual partners for women makes them happier than fewer sexual partners for men. It seems a strange argument for a Catholic or even a social conservative to make. On the other hand, it makes a certain amount of sense and has appeal in that it is based on what human beings do and how it affects them rather than on the assertion that "God says" there must be no sex outside of marriage.