Sex, the Married Man, and the Practice of Law

My Professional Responsibility (PR) course is taught in two halves.  The first half uses problems to focus on the Model Rules of Professional Responsibility.  Although the larger – more foundational and fundamental issues – arise and are discussed, they take a backseat to the Rules.  This part concludes around the time of the MPRE. 

During the second part of the course, the foundational issues come to the fore through the use of film, novel, and guest speakers using Shaffer & Cochran’s four models of lawyering as a framework.  We watch “A Man for All Seasons” and “To Kill a Mockingbird.”  We read “The Death of Ivan Ilyich.”  And, we have guest speakers, including lawyers who are recovering alcoholics and who work with lawyer assistance programs.  The focus here is on questions such as what is my life about?  How does the law fit into this vision for my life?  Is a legal career a vocation or merely a means to an end – monetary or otherwise?  Can I live an integrated life or must I fragment myself to be a successful attorney?  How do I balance work and family?  Is it possible to live a happy fulfilled life?  Is it possible to live a happy and fulfilled life and be an attorney?

With this background, I turn to Rob’s recent post on “Sex and the Married Man.”  In that post, he quotes a New York Magazine article:

A relationship is a myth you create with each other. It isn’t necessarily true, but it’s meaningful. The key to that myth is that the other person is enough for you. You know in your head that another person isn’t enough for you. But if you don’t honor the myth, then it crumbles.

I learn so much from my students.  A couple of years ago, a student in my PR class was addressing some of these foundational issues and it struck me - like a brick hitting me between the eyes – that a number of students, including this particular student, didn’t believe that they could live truly happy and fulfilled lives.  For these students, “happiness is a myth you create.  It isn’t necessarily true, but it’s meaningful.  The key to that myth is that the life you have settled for is enough for you.  You know in your head that it isn’t enough for you.  But if you don’t honor the myth, then it crumbles.”  In short, this student – and I don’t know if she is part of a small minority or a majority of students – couldn’t dare to hope for true happiness, true love, true contentment, and true joy.  Like Augustine, a restlessness seemed to reside in her heart, but unlike Augustine, she seemed to conclude that the search would be too painful and ultimately prove fruitless.  Therefore, the restlessness needed to be muffled.

This classroom epiphany caused me great sadness.  Two questions.  Have others seen this in some of their students, classmates, or fellow lawyers?  And, how can we – I – model our lives and teaching to foster a sense of hope in these students about to embark on a legal career?