Margaret Farley: A Throwback to the 1960's

At Michael P.'s suggestion, I read Margaret Farley's book "Just Love."  As you might expect, he and I have a different assessment of her work.  Here is my Amazon review of her book:

Much of this book is devoted to the history of sexual and marital practices in the West and to a cross-cultural comparison in an attempt to develop a framework for a contemporary Christian sexual ethic. Although the picture she paints is far from complete (she does not, for example, cite or engage John Witte's important work on the development of marriage in Christianity), Farley does provide enough of a picture to draw three conclusions: Throughout history and across cultures, societies have regulated the sexual passions, channeling them mostly into heterosexual marriage involving either monogamy or polygyny; in both patrilineal and matrilineal socities, women were often subordinated to men; and polygyny presents special dangers to women's equality.

Against this backdrop, Farley provides a framework for "just sex" centering it around seven criteria: do no unjust harm, free consent, mutuality, equality, commitment, fruitfulness, and social justice.

But, how to apply this framework in the concrete reality of people's lives? It is here that Farley sounds like a broken record from the 1960's or 1970's. For her, "commitment" is conditional and contingent because life is often too hard and full of unexpected surprises to live a permanent and unconditional commitment. Instead of offering an ethic that provides tools and understanding so that we can strengthen our commitment, she prefers to dilute the whole idea of commitment. She sees the pain of young girls who "hook up" in uncommitted sex "because they want relationships, though they seek them in vain in the practices that make relationships unnecessary." (p. 234) And, she sees young men ("who appear to enjoy these practices more than girls") taking advantage of "sexual partners almost without limit" with no need for commitment. (Ibid.). Yet, the most she can offer them is that we try to teach them the principles of sex that is just.

Today's young people who have suffered through their parents' broken commitments and who know the alienation and loneliness of the "hook up" culture, want more, need more, and should demand more from those who propose to guide them into adulthood. Those who believe that "just sex" and "just relationships" are possible, should read Karol Wojtyla's groundbreaking work "Love and Responsibility" with, or better yet, instead of, Farley's book. My college age children asked me to read "Love and Responsibility" earlier in the year. Since reading it, I have come to believe that it will provide the foundation for Christian sexual ethics in the 21st century.